She’s pregnant and you are going to be a father. Run away as fast as you can. That would be easy but it’s not what I did. We actually tried for this for 10 months. It’s not as easy as you think. There are only a few days in every month that a woman can even become pregnant. So you rolled the dice and voila! Now your plate is filled with stuff that you may or may not have expected. It’s your job as the man of the house to swallow it and ask for more. There is going to be tough times. There is going to be good times. It is very important that you do everything in your power to provide stability in your house for your Mom to be and your developing fetus. Everything that she eats, breathes, hears and experiences your child will also. In the end it will all be worth it. There is something built into our source code as men that mandates us to be providers. Even our basic anatomy is built for providing and giving to our mate. There is a reason why yours sticks out and theirs goes in. When we do the best we can we can be at peace with it. I am going to tell you what I learned during my first pregnancy. Yours will be different I’m sure of it. Take what you what you want. Leave the rest.
I don’t really remember the beginning. it happens that fast. I know conception occurred on a magical night or drunken stupor after a long day at a Dolphins home game. It was against the Jets. We lost we got drunk. Magic happened. A month later we found out. This is pretty normal. Most people don’t know that it happens until the first missed period. At this time your woman is usually already gaining a pound or 2 but nothing noticeable. It’s more like an afterthought when you find out. So what do you do now? First, you make sure that you have insurance. It used to be that insurance companies could deny you coverage if you are applying and you are pregnant but Obama changed that. It will probably change again so stay on top of that. You have your lady confirm with an OBGYN what the stick with the pee on it already tells you. Then we celebrate and panic a little. We talk about it. We make plans. It’s important to have a plan. You are going to throw this plan out the window several times, but you still need to have one. We are excited. In the beginning, there isn’t much to do. We got a pregnancy tracker App for her phone. We started monitoring everything going into her body. We got raw prenatal vitamins, Juice Plus, and prenatal omegas. We changed her over to bottled water only. I have this thing against fluoride in tap water. It’s my thing. It’s not like we live in the 3rd world. Tap water is perfectly fine. We got the “pee in the cup” gender test from cvs. Ours was actually accurate. We started discussing how we would tell our parents. Who else would we tell? I do recommend telling your mothers and fathers and maybe 1 or 2 close friends to confide in. that’s about it in the beginning. Try to hold in your excitement. It’s still quite early on and there are just so many things that can happen. It’s a good idea to accept the fact early on that things can happen. Some people say its bad juju to broadcast it early on. I think that type of stuff has power over you if you let it. Like the power of suggestion, if you say it’s a jinx, I believe that we can manifest jinxes. Anyways, I like to think of her reproductive system as a car engine that hasn’t be running in years. You got it started up but it might not be ready for the long trip on the road yet. It might look like it’s going to run fine and then shut off at the end of your street. That’s ok. It will suck, but there is a bright side. It did run. So you start it up again with ease after it’s all cooled down and checked out. It will run better this time. So that’s why I don’t tell anybody I’m going on a road trip until after I know my car is running. So keep your circle small. Stay strong don’t stress and don’t stress anybody out. What will be will be.
In my life I tried my hardest to make everything nice and calm for my woman but there are just some things in life that you cannot even begin to understand with our caveman brain concerning the finer sex. Hormones and what they do to the female brain is the hardest thing to wrap your head around; nearly impossible. Our source code is different than theirs. We are usually logic-based programmed and their programming is based on logic and feelings but it can be over written at any time by hormones. If you get to a point that you can track your woman’s hormone and brain interaction, just accept when and what they will be, you are one of the lucky few. When she got pregnant I couldn’t do this. The 2nd and 3rd month of the first trimester my wife was angry. She wasn’t angry with me. She was just angry. She would get angry when I did anything to make her not be angry. She knew this as fact. My brain wouldn’t accept it. She knew her hormones were making her this way. She knew we were both powerless. Every time I looked at her she had her fists balled up and her teeth clenched. Walking, sitting, before bed, or at dinner; anytime it could engulf her. Just because she knew what was making her angry doesn’t mean she could explain it and it doesn’t mean I would listen. So I kept trying. Like the old saying goes, “You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.” Well when the honey doesn’t work, what do you think a man does? He gets the WD-40 and a lighter and he makes a flame thrower and burns down the hive. Do not do this. Your woman is not a bee hive. Just accept the fact that you aren’t going to catch bees today. Let me tell you what I actually did. After a week or 2 of the anger there became a tension in the air. My frustration from not being able to change her mood for the better was getting to me and she was getting to me. So it started with me reminding her ever so tactfully that the baby feels what she feels. I would say, “smile babe, you’re very pretty when you smile” After about a week of that not working I would say it, not so very tactfully, it was more like a threat. I would say the same thing but add that it’s not healthy for the baby to be angry all the time. Remember , I was dealing with an angry person, so when I would nudge her in any direction it would piss her off. What kind of insane person gets angry when you tell them they are beautiful? Then there was that day in December that I said what was boiling up in me. “If you keep being this angry you can cause a miscarriage!” I’ll never forget that day because her old man called me ten minutes later. I think it’s the only time he has ever called me to this day. I think you get the idea. Its not about me anymore. It didn’t matter if I thought she was too angry. Mother nature was doing this. I was making it worse. I manifested that stressful situation that I wanted to shield her from. Whatever you do, don’t do what I did. If you don’t want to have to put out a lot more fires just let that fire burn itself out. It will all change very soon. The 2nd trimester is very different.
